I Love You

Sad

2005-07-18T03:14:00.000-07:00

Haiz...The feelings inside of me are jumbled up...A part of me just wants to give it all up..And the other part cannot let go of you..You shouted at me when I was just asking you something..The hurt overwhelms me..To think that the person I have loved so much, and the person whom I have devoted the last 7 months to just doesnt care.....It really feels like tears dont cure this at all...What I said to you is really true...I want to just kill myself and just break free from everything....Haiz..I dunno.....But it seems that you dont care about it now... Just a call..Just a call...And you cant make it...Haiz...You dont even want to reply me MSN chat...How long more?? I ask myself..How long more? When you hear me crying.......You say nothing...Nothing..I asked you to say something....And you ask me what to say.......My heart is broken..I dunno what to de now...So much for saying that you love me...Action speaks louder than words...Hearing that I am stressed to the threshold of suicide, all you can say is hmm...I dunno what to say, and I have got nothing to say.. I really hope I would receive a call from you..At least I know that you do love me...Haiz..

Haiz..Today was fine, I stayed back on the pretext of studying, and accompanied Avril, Trudy and Emi to meet the t-shirt man..Bargain and bargain..From$15 to $14..Then to $13.50..Yup..Anyways..promised to recommend him to my friends..Yup..No PE today..So sad..But Miss Sharon Teo brought us to "paradise"..The library..Met Avril on the way, and told her to come...Well, did not see her there.. Hmm..No mood to write...Haiz...`Always loving you`

Finally

2005-07-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

Hi!! I am finally back to blogging..Haha..It has been a super long time since I last blogged..The reasons are mainly that I am not able to use the computer to blog, and lack of time!! Yup..Between then and now, lots of things have happened to me... Hmm..Lots and lots....

Starting with the most recent.. Hehe.. Easiest to remember...... Yesterday..Went out with Mdm Norhani and the gang for breakfast at Swensens!! Thank you Mdm Norhani for the wonderful meal!! We shared alot of jokes at the table, alot about the funny antics of both students and teachers... Haha..It was really funny..Anyways...Later, followed Keefe, Qashrul, Timothy and Karthik up to Pavillion, then went down to find Xiao Xuan and Elenor to study...I really felt very weird...Especially to be with 2 other girls without Avril around, and I dont even know one of them well..Hmmm..Anways...Did not really talk much in BK..Finshed my Chemistry and Physics papers..Then Shadi came......And I felt even more weird..Hmm...Anyways..Carry on studying..Haha..

All was smooth......Till something happened..He suddenly walked off...Omg!! I was shocked..Then she started crying..at this point, I was really scared...I have never wittnessed anything like this before....Then XX looked at me.. " Was it us that caused this??" Oh man...I felt bad..Hopefully it is not us that caused this..Got his number from XX, and called him..My heart was pounding like anything....I walked out of BK, wanting to let XX talk to her alone..Then he came back..And she walked off..Omg....At that popint in time, I offered a silent prayer to God for them, even as XX was scolding me..Eventually they came back, but left after awhile..So now, XX and I are left there..We walked over to XX's tuition centre to study..BK was way too noisy by then...Then Avril came!! Oh my..I missed her so much!! After XX went in for tution, we went out..And left for TM..Yup..then mummy called and asked me to go home...Hmmm..Sad...But we had to go...

Went home, and got scolded..As usual...Hmm...Sometimes, I really feel that I am a failure in everything I am..everything I do..Compare me with Kor Kor..To them, I am not even half as good as he is..And cannot be compared to other's people's children(Adriel)...Haiz..I feel lousy about myself..Sometimes, I really cannot take the shoutings and scoldings anymore...I want to end it..End everything once and for all...But...I dont want to leave Avril alone...Thank you dear for being my earthly source of strength, and comfort...Haiz..Maybe what XX said was right..."You will become useless someday too..." I dunno..Maybe I am already useless..Haiz..I just pray that I can endure through this, and that this would be over soon...

Last Thursday..The bitch approached me...To apologoise, and to 'sort things out' with me.. Well, just to let you know, the handshake was only acknowledgement that you came and apologoise..I did not accept it, nor have I taken you back as a friend...Honestly, I dont think I ever will..I jsut can't...I do not bear hate towards you anymore, because I do not want to burden myself with things that concern you.. But, I still will not accept you as a friend in my life..If you are angry or disappointed, I'm sorry..But whats done cannot be undone..

Council Farewell party!! Hmm..My last event in the Student Council..Well, it was a memorable one..Especially when they showed the videos of the pictures..Hmm..I am surely gonna miss the Student Council..Yup..Anyways...Talked to some of the Sec.1s a fair bit..Yup..It was a good night..And, had my last chance to serve my councillors..Serving them food..Hmmm....Well, all good things must come to an end..Then better things can happen..So...I'll see whats installed for me!! Leave it all to God!!

Today is our 7th month together..I really thank God for giving you to me..You have really been a blessing and joy in my life..As I have always said..I dont know what I would be if I do not have you..You are the reason.....Thank You for everything that you have done for me..Sorry for all our misunderstandings and, quarrels..Thank God that he has sustained us..Muackx!! *iLuRvEaVrIl*

Malaysia Trip MiSs YoU

2005-06-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hey! Finally back from my 6 day trip to Malaysia..Ah..I miss you so so much..Was thinking of you for the entire trip..Haiz..And the dream on Saturday night made it all worse..I really cannot live without you..Ok..Back to the Malaysia Trip..Haha..My primary objective once we hit the causeway was to get a nice gift for Avril..No matter how. I knew that it would not be an easy task though..With mummy and daddy with me always..But I have to try....

First stop!! Malacca... Lotsa food!! Every shopping mall we went to, the temptation would creep into my mind, to run off, or to give some silly excuse to leave them so that I can get Avril a gift..Hehe..It was very very difficult to surpress this temptation..Hmm.. Anyways..Did Go Kart-ing in Malacca..It was so fun manz..But quite scary when I hit the bend at such a high speed..Felt like I was gonna fly off the car..Hehe..Only went 2 rounds though =(..But it was an experience.. Did bowling everyday in Malacca..It was so cheap man.. ::Always thinking of you::

Second stop!! KL... Shopping!! On the way to KL, there was a terrific traffic jam..Went on for as far as my eye could see!! Waiting in the car for the jam to clear, slowly edging our way bit by bit.. Due to the jam, we arrived at the hotel quite late. Went out for dinner, and went back to the hotel to sleep!! Hehe.. Stopped by at the Ramly burger shop, and there, Ruel saw the moon and commented that each country had a moon of its own..And when Daddy told him that the whole earth shared one moon, Ruel said that Singapore must not have the moon, now that the moon is in Malaysia..Hehe..What a joke..

The next day. which was Saturday, we went to Times Square!! It had an indoor there park..Quite cool..7 adult rides altogether..Went for them so many times..DNA Mixer: 4 times..Bumper Cars: 4 times..Viking: 4 times..Roller Coaster: 2 times..Tower(I dont know the name of the ride): 2 times..Flying Car(Again I dont know): 2 times..Spinner: 2 times...Was ok..Quite cool..Hehe..But missed you so much..Prayed for you every single moment..Even on the roller coaster.. After walking out of the theme park, we saw an OP shop!! wow..The stuff there were like so cheap!! Hehe..Bought a t-shirt, and eventually, a bag and a pair of long pants..

Sunday..Tomorrow, I would be going back le!! Can finally call you.. Went to the Midvalley Mega Mall, a huge shopping centre..Hehe..But nothing that interested me..Still, the bugging feeling of running away to buy Avril's gift was in me.."Patience Amos..Patience...." I told myself...Would have an opportunity later..So, when we went to the IT mall, I was looking for ways to escape..After half an hour, the break came..Kor kor asked me to follow him..So I ran and ran around the whole mall, then I came to 77th Street..Being exhausted and all, I panted out.."How much for these?" A pair of nice sweet pink earings for Avril..Buying them, I quickly ran back to kor kor..Phew..What a relief...

Later that night, after dinner, we stopped by a toy shop, and Kor kor and I bought a aeroplane..Remote comtrolled..Rm130..So expensive..Anyway, it broke cause kor kor hit it too hard..And as usual, he blamed me for it..Haiz...On the brighter side, its the last night in KL..Tomorrow, I would be on the phone with you le!!! Hehe..

On the whole, the trip was fun, getting to try quite a few new things..Missing you throughout the whole trip..At least I made friends with someone there..

Dearest..Thank you for all your prayers..ILU..Read your blog last night..Haiz..Sorry for the lack of patience..Please give me another chance to prove myself..Haiz..I am sorry..Thank you for everything that you have done for me..*MuAcKx*-iloveyou-

UpS aNd DoWnS

2005-06-15T02:33:00.000-07:00

Today, went to school to study in Mdm Norhani's class..Hehe..So relaxed..Can use handphone!! Anyways..Kept trying to call my dearest..But she never pick up..Then finally, Avril picked up her handphone!! I was so happy..Finally woke you up and can prepare to meet you le.. However, you went back to sleep...Haiz...Made me feel that you dont take me seriously at all..Haiz..Anyways, tried calling you again and again..Finally you picked up..And went to bathe..So happy!! After many problems, we finally met up..Hehe..Seeing you made my day!!

Sorry for making you walk all the way though..I did not have any money at all on me too..Sorry..But seeing you at the bus stop, my heart leaped! I was so so happy..Can see you before I leave for Malaysia..*Must treasure the moments* Haha..Then both of us walked and sat around,for about 3hrs before deciding to go home..Then we suddenly realised that we did not have any money!! How to go home?? Hehe..Thank God that we saw Charmaine Tan...Thank you so much Charmaine! Owe you one..She lent us $1 for the ride home..

After calling mummy, she asked me to go to the library myself to get my books..Thanks Darling for following me there although you knew that it would bore you..Thank you so so much!! Reaching the library, we took almost half an hour to find a book for me..Hehe..Then went to the computer to look for mummy's book..Thanks Dear for being with me all this while despite being bored..Hehe..Muackx! After I sent you off, I missed you teribbly..Sorry if mummy scolded you...Sorry Honey..

Got back home, prepared for tuition..But, after waiting for 15mins, tuition teacher called..tuition cancelled!! So happy..Means I can talk to you more before i go for my other tuition!! Hehe..Anyways..Yup..Then went for my chinese tuition..Wow..5 of us there altogether..All of them so clever..Except me..Felt so stupid..Haiz..Aiya..Nevermind..Hopefully I would be clever someday..Supposed to go to my grandmother's house to see Caleb! But they went without me..Sad...Hmm..Another day ba..

Came home, I called you..Then waited for you to chat with XX..Got scolding twice because of that..Hmm..Sorry if i sounded angry after that..Was just quite irritated that I got scolding..Sorry Dear..Later I called you..On the phone, I called you 6 time...Haiz..After 6 times then you answered me..Haiz..Sometimes,I wonder..What do you take me for?Haiz..Dunno how long I would be able to keepit back..Haiz..But I still love you alot k? Anyways, like all our problems, it was gone within the next call..Hearing you cheerful voice took it all away.. The day ended well I supposed despite all the ups and downs..Tomorrow I would be leaving already for my 6 day trip..Will be missing you alot..Please wait for me ok? I love you Dear.. Please take care of yourself ok? Muackx!! *loveavril*

My first blog

2005-06-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

Ah!! My first post.. Hmm..First of all, thanks to my dearie who help me set it up! Thanks Dear.. Today I co-lead worship in church!! So scary..Joshua(the other worship leader) made me do the opening and closing prayers!!! Thanks to God and Dearest, I managed to pull through..Thanks Avril for your prayers!! Wow..In church, was someone that look exactly like our daughter XX.. After church, went with my cousins to KFC in Kallang..Free flow of drink..Yay! First time after so long, the AAKNL is finally together..Had so much fun planning to torture some people eh? Hehe.. Half way while eating, my dearest called... She is going to join the Singapore Badminton Association!! So proud of you.. But..When i read your sms, it made me feel so inadequate..If thats the word..Haiz..Maybe i was a little too sensitive..Hopefully next time could you discuss with me?Anyways..Will support you in everything ok? SBA know? Very very proud of you!! Do your best ok? I know you can do it!

At KFC, we were pouring over topographical maps of Singapore..I think it is a 1993 map..Planning routes for a game when Caleb comes..For Benjamin and him..It was so fun..But everybody around us was looking at us..Probably thinking that we were terrorist planning our next mission..The free flow of drinks helped manz..Actually, has 3 things to plan for..One is for Caleb's coming, one is OST and the last is OSTK..But..Nicole had to leave by 3..So all of us went back with her.. In the train, I prayed for you..That if its God's will for you to be there, that you would like the trainings and all in SBA.. All this time, my heart was sad..Longing to talk to you..Haiz..And I know if you would decide to go and take up training in the SBA, lots of uncertainties would come..I just pray that we would handle them well..

Then walked back with kor kor.. The same bridge that u took the yellow bird from..Thinking about you all the time..Later at home, i smsed you and told you how I felt..The moment you replied, my heart lit up..The joy overshadowed the saddness that had plagued me..And love for you overwhelmed me..I love you..But...I made you sad..Sorry..Calling you, and hearing your voice, my day was made, and that made all bad in my day turn good..Thank you Dear.. Well, thats another obstacle we face overcomed..We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! Muackx!~iloveavril~

hi

2005-06-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

i love Avril

hi

2005-06-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

i love Avril!!

I Love You

Sad

Finally

Malaysia Trip *MiSs YoU*

*UpS aNd DoWnS*

My first blog

hi

hi

Malaysia Trip MiSs YoU

UpS aNd DoWnS